What Is This Feeling?
by teamfreewill82
Summary: Maybe thinking a kiss with Chuck was a good idea had in fact been a very bad one.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl or anything pertaining to it. **

**A/N: Just a scene lost to the world of **_**Gossip Girl**_**. Thank you and please review, lovelies. :) I've edited it for y'all. **

"Piss off, Chuck." A 14-year-old Blair Waldorf glared, all poison, at the boy known as Chuck Bass, or "Mother Chucker." Why she even tolerated his presence she would never understand. Well, maybe she did. His best friend, Nate Archibald, was her boyfriend of forever, and no way was she going to be the one to tell Nate that Chuck was not only a waste of time but of space and air.

But in times like these, when she was trying to tell _her_ best friend, Serena van der Woodsen, about her current boy troubles, the prospect of disappointing Nate seemed dull in comparison to screwing one over on that Bass-tard.

"Or, I'll tell Mr. Archibald how you drank his good Schnapps at Nate's Christmas party last year." Blair tossed her auburn-brown hair behind her shoulder with a flick, exuding nonchalance. Serena bit her lip to, unsuccessfully, hide a grin. Chuck's smirk remained, but his dark eyes narrow back at Blair's.

"No. You wouldn't. Nate doesn't know about that, and telling his father now would look like you were holding back info to protect me." Blair's smile falters, while Chuck's becomes larger. "Exactly."

Adjusting her shoulder bag, Blair cleared her throat. "Come on, S. Let's go to the _bathroom_." To a grinning Bass she says, "I know you'd love to follow us, as you are quite perverted that way, but I wouldn't, Bass-tard."

He only leaned against the wall, the perfected image of security and money in his school uniform. "Oh? And why is that?"

Blair's lips quirked at the sides. She'd hoped he would ask. "Because. You'll look like you're transitioning."

Chuck laughed in a bark. "Right." He propped closer to Blair, eyes sparkling, his voice low. "Trust me. No girl here thinks _that_." Blair scoffed, frozen in front of him until Serena grabbed an arm to yank her into the girls' room. She turned to her friend with a questioning expression on her pretty face.

"So," she said, "you and Nate?"

Blair released a dramatic breath. "God, S, seriously. I don't even know what I'm doing wrong. He had the perfect opportunity at the movie last Friday, the lake on Saturday, and our walk on Sunday. He had a chance in _December_ at his party and he still hasn't kissed me! We've been together since kindergarten; you'd _think_ we'd be past reservations by now."

Serena grinned, pulling her wavy blonde hair into a lazy bun. "Maybe he wants to wait to kiss you. It's nice."

Blair rolled her eyes. "Says the girl who's had three boyfriends, one of them in juvie." Her nose wrinkled in disgust, emitting a laugh from Serena.

"Oh, come on, he wasn't that bad! His letters were really sweet!"

"Yeah, sure. What I'm _saying_ is—you kissed _them_ all the day you started dating! Nate and I have literally been dating longer than people date before they get _married_! What if he's _gay_ or something? And I'm his_ cover_? Oh, my _God_—"

"Whoa, okay, no," Serena said, catching at her friend's arm with a laugh. "Nate is definitely not gay. He looks at you like you're the best thing ever. You shouldn't be worried, B."

Blair shrugged her shoulders, the warning bell ringing above their heads. "Yeah, well. I am. I'm amazing and all but what if that isn't… enough for him? We've been friends for years, you, me, Nate… even _Chuck_. Nate knows me by now. What if he doesn't like what he sees anymore?"

"As if," Serena scoffed dismissively. "You've got him wrapped around your finger, B. No sweat. Let's go. We're gonna be late to Living Environment and you know how Mrs. Blanchard likes to make us dissect worms in detention." She nudged Blair, seeing as she hadn't laughed. Serena paused and saw that Blair was frowning. Serena tried to pull the edges up into a smile, but as soon as her fingers dropped so did Blair's lips.

"I don't even know how to kiss," she said. "He could kiss me and completely catch me off guard and—"

Serena held up her hand. "Hold it. Relax. Breathe. Okay, look, I can help you. Give you pointers if you'd like. And Chuck has definitely had a lot of girlfriends—"

"Gross; no! That's like… I don't know, something horrendously awful. Ugh; I can't think; my head is full of Chuck and kisses which definitely do _not_ go together so let's _go_ already; do you want to be _late_?" Serena shook her head as Blair hurried on ahead to class, stress in her wake. And a stressed Blair was an unhappy Blair. And if Blair was unhappy… bombs away.

In class, Blair could hardly focus. Transferring the iodine from test tube A to D was certainly not a suitable distraction, and it was also completely boring. Her safety glasses were surely leaving dents in her flawless skin, and the latex gloves were making her hands clammy.

It wasn't that she wanted to rush Nate; it was just they'd been together so _long_. They were voted the cutest couple and most likely to marry by their peers very nearly every school year. They both worked on the student council, Nate as student body president and she as his vice president and treasurer. Chuck was the… She actually didn't know what he did, but it was probably self-serving. Serena worked on the dance committee and helped the council with decorations and posters. No other group of friends (frenemies) had accomplished half as much! Didn't he appreciate all they'd done? All they could do? But for what, if they were pretty much just friends who _held hands_? She and _Serena _did that!

Blair's hand came onto the table in a fist, causing the other students to stare at her, her lab partner Serena included. "Are you okay?" she whispered to Blair.

"Of course," Blair replied. Serena eyed her for a second, speculative, but eventually looked away back to the project. As if it _mattered_.

"So," said the devil's spawn himself. The smirk was evident in his tone, if Blair hadn't been able to see it plainly on his stupid face. "You've come to the right place."

Blair crossed her arms, pushing herself into the leather back of the couch. "Have I? The dread I feel in the pit of my stomach tells me otherwise."

Chuck, by now, isn't affected by her words. They lacked conviction, as her mind today wasn't fully in the game they'd been playing since first grade.

"B," Serena prodded, "give this a chance."

Chuck nodded, his wickedly charming features persuasive. "I can help. Though you may believe something to the contrary, I _want_ to. Nate has been with the same girl his entire life, getting nothing from her—"

Blair threw her hands into the air. "Oh, that's great! Topic's changed to sex, has it?"

The boy's face was calm as ever, annoyingly so, but extremely infuriating. So, not at all different from the usual. "For a girl who plays by your rules…" Blair blushed at his obvious appraisal. He shook his head and chuckled lightly, amused at her reddened cheeks. "No, Blair," Chuck said. "Nate isn't me, in case you weren't aware."

"No, he isn't. Nobody is, because no other human being is as demented," Blair said, smiling sweetly. Chuck's eyes darkened and his hand by habit went to tangle in his hair.

"Very true," he agreed. "Blair Waldorf isn't human."

Blair stood. "Could you just _he_—" She brought her fingers to her throat. "Hel—"

Exasperated, Serena got to her feet as well. "Help her, Chuck! Just help her."

Blair swallowed, looking as though she had tasted something bitter. "What… she said."

"Under normal circumstances, I would make you beg," Chuck said, seating himself carelessly in his armchair, "but because this is my best friend we're talking about here… I'll make an exception." He snapped his fingers, and a maid rushed in with a tray atop which rested one glass of orange juice mixed with liquor.

Serena rolled her eyes. "Alcohol? Really, Chuck?"

He shrugged. "Do you see a Bart Bass around to stop me?" He sipped the drink, then sets it on the glass table to his left, waving the woman away. She obliged and he looked back to the girls, rising casually to his feet. "Now how did you want to go about this?"

Blair lifted a perfect eyebrow. "Tips, I guess. Just what _not_ to do—"

Chuck picked his glass up, shaking his head as if disappointed that Blair didn't get it. "I meant, how did you want to learn? _Advice_ is no good, Waldorf. The good classes teach through hands-on activities. Who did you want me to call over here?" Blair stared at him, confused. "For you to kiss?"

At that Blair's mouth opened in a half-gasp and half-intake of air. "Um, _no_. That would be my first kiss! And not with Nate! Are you stupid? Oh, right, dumb question. I know you are, for even _suggesting_ that. Cheating on Nate—"

Serena stepped in then, mediator as always. "No, B, you don't have feelings for anyone else; anyone you kiss would just be practice, not your actual first _kiss_, or cheating. There's a difference."

Blair looked between the two as though they had gone mad. Though knowing them so long, she knew they already had. "Oh, please," she said, "I'd have to _loathe_ the guy! Like, no chance in hell I'd be with him afterwards. Otherwise I—"

Chuck and Serena were grinning, though the latter looked guilty rather than amused, as the former did. "What's going on?" Blair asked suspiciously.

"Well, I believe your friend here and I have just come to the same conclusion," Chuck said. "You can't kiss just anyone, you have to kiss someone you can't stand. I'll give you a hint. That person is in this room. And it isn't a sexy blonde." He winked at Serena, who rolled her eyes, immune to his flirtations. Blair's eyes widened and her mouth opened again, face pinched.

"Oh, get _real_! Have you absolutely lost whatever sanity you've kept? Charles Bartholomew Bass; you despicable—"

Serena held Blair's arms to her sides, trying to calm her. "Stop with the full names and the—flipping out. If you don't want to then we can leave." Blair was fully ready to run out the door, but hesitated. If she didn't know how to kiss, she'd embarrass herself with Nate. She didn't want to kiss some random stranger either, and though she could barely tolerate Chuck Bass, who else could she turn to? Serena's 12-year-old brother Eric? Not likely. Chuck had more experience than Blair could stomach. She'd have to suck it up, for Nate.

She looked to Chuck. For once, he wasn't smirking. His face was patient, waiting. "Well?" he inquired.

"Don't grope me, Bass," Blair muttered.

His eyes lifted to the ceiling. "I give you my word. Whatever that's worth to you."

Serena took Blair's hand in her own and squeezed it gently. "Remember, this isn't your first kiss, okay?" Blair nodded, trying to smile. Serena gave an encouraging nod and released her hand as Blair turned to Chuck.

"I'm not jumping on you," she said, praying to God that her voice was still even. "So how do we… start?"

Chuck laughed, but not in his usual condescending way. "Most cases the guy steps closer first, unless the girl is feisty—or you, of course. But I'll do it in this case. Alright?" She nodded. What else could she say to that, honestly? Chuck returned the nod and took a few steps forward, minimizing the distance separating them. "Now what?"

"Now…" His arm went around her waist to slowly pull her toward him. An inch apart now, Blair's eyes went up to Chuck's.

"What do I do with my hands?"

He used his own to lift hers to his shoulders, where they rested easily. "Comfortable?" His lips turned up, just barely noticeable.

"Yes," Blair responded without pause, surprising not only herself but the boy in front of her. He cleared his throat a little, not loudly.

"I—He'll most likely put his hand on your cheek. Nate, probably being nervous, will be slower with it." Even saying this, Chuck lifted his own hand carefully, cupping her face lightly. She looked up at him. "And," he went on, voice quieter, "he'll lean in. That's when he kisses you." Nod. Chuck paused, however, and Blair was somewhat taken aback by it.

"You can kiss me, Chuck. Really, I want this." Wanted what? She wanted to know how to kiss Nate. But with his best friend so close to her, closer than he'd ever been, Blair could see details she'd never cared to notice before. The slight gap in his two front teeth, the scar from a zit low on his jaw line, the shade of his eyes. His lips curled permanently from years of being spoiled, and his eyebrows were dark and furrowed above his short eyelashes. His gaze was focused intently on the girl in front of him. His appearance wasn't as horrid as she'd thought. He could quite easily be described as beautiful. If one were so inclined to think that sort of thing about a boy like him, which Blair certainly wasn't.

His arm was warm on her waist, a fact of which she was especially aware. She'd never understood why books used fire to describe the feeling of being touched, but in that moment, as red crept up her neck, she could feel it as such, a flame. A blaze all along her every place.

Chuck leand down to her unhurriedly, but deliberate. His thumb brushed her cheek bone, and Blair's eyelids drooped at the touch. What the hell was he _doing_? What the hell was _she_ doing? She couldn't feel this way, not about Chuck. Not about anyone who wasn't Nate. But Chuck was so close, too close, making her feel hot and bothered—in a way she found she liked. The hand covering the side of her neck fell to join her own that had slipped onto his arm, lacing their fingers together like puzzle pieces. What must Serena be thinking? Oh, God.

Her hand ripped itself from Chuck's grasp, with some effort, as they were quite knotted together. Chuck appeared startled, as if broken from a spell, and Blair felt out of breath. She tore her eyes from his face to see Serena, her face showing that she was lost. Had she thought it was going _well_? This couldn't be happening.

"Serena—" Blair's breathless voice gave her away, and she coughed. "Serena, we have to go." Chuck reached for Blair's hand, but she pulled it away as though touched by acid when it grazed her.

"Blair—"

"No. No, I have to go." More forcefully, she repeated, "I have to go. Nate was expecting a call." At her words, Chuck's expression became closed. What had he been expecting? Had he forgotten her boyfriend, _his_ best friend?

"Of course. You can show yourselves out." With that, he disappeared from the room, taking his drink with him. Serena was silent, most likely speechless. Blair stared at the doorway Chuck had taken his leave through for a moment before stalking past Serena to the elevator.

"Let's get out of here," she mumbled, unable to make her voice any louder.

That would never—could never—happen ever again. Because if there were a next time, and she and Chuck were alone… Blair knew she wouldn't be able to stop herself from making the worst decision of her life. As the elevator hit the ground floor, Blair swore to herself: _Chuck Bass and I will never happen. I have Nate. Nate Archibald. From now on… no more not-first kisses._


End file.
